Perfectionism

     There is a perfectionist in all of us. In some it is stronger than others. Personally, I have previously been such a perfectionist that if I don't make an assignment awesome, I don't turn it in at all. I'd rather take the loss in points, over turning in something that does not show my best work. In high school, I didn't care. In college, I had to. Perfectionism, wasn't an option in college, when you're a 25-29 year old music major, with an almost full-time job outside of school that helps to pay your living expenses, while studying. For the first time in my life, I had people that would rather have my crap work on time, than my best work late. The first time I failed a college class in a degree I actually cared about, I was devastated!! I was struggling so hard to prove to myself that I could do it, and to have to admit defeat, was so humbling.
     The reality college taught me, was that if you want to be perfect at everything, you're going to develop an ulcer, or worse, die of a heart attack. Your body is what keeps you alive...in order to return the favor, you must give it a break sometimes. The reality of perfectionism, is that it leads to procrastination, poor self-image, giving up, and eventually the motivation it supplies at first, turns to discouragement rather quickly. So how do we defeat this enemy of our own minds? That is the question I have been asking myself for a long time, and one that came up in lessons last week. It motivated me to figure out how to veer away from that mindset, which is SO incredibly crushing in the music performance world. It seems small, when you make a mistake for the fifth time and curse. But what that turns into, is performing on a stage in front of strangers, seizing up from fear of making mistakes, and then becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. It sucks the joy out of music and puts the stress activators on HIGH! You walk off the stage, obsessing over your tiny mistakes and how you could have done it better. This leads to a self-punishment that can sometimes be severe. It can also lead to you giving up, instead of fighting through the brick wall you've hit, and eventually, at some point, far or near, breaking the wall down and moving forward!!
     I begin researching how to teach children that failure is normal and prevalent in music study. If you can't get over that, you won't be taking lessons very long. Lots of sources said things like "Tell the student it's okay to fail!" But one source really caught my attention. It said something that hit home in my discovery of how to further deepen the relationship with my own boyfriend....validation. Don't avoid their perfectionism by trying to deny them and their feelings. Their feelings are very real and upsetting! If you validate these feelings (this does not mean giving in or encouraging perfectionism), you allow them to feel that way. Only then can you show them different ways of thinking about failure. Super interesting! I'm going to make 'perfectionism' a theme in my studio for the month of May.